Do your relationships define you?

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There is a theory that to be truly healthy & survive you need 7 core things: air, water, sun, whole foods, exercise, passion (purpose) and NON-TOXIC Relationships. 

I am interested in the last one as it is probably the most tricky.

What is a non-toxic relationship? There are many levels to relationships and the people around you contribute to your daily emotions and state of being. Friends, lovers, work colleagues, family, acquaintances, social groups, study buddies and so forth. We know that everyone has ENERGY and we can pick up and take on other people’s negative energy if we spend a lot of time together.

So the question for you is this, Who are you spending time with every week and how do they affect your mind, your body and your Spirit?

The simple fact is, people can energize you or they can drain your energy. 

Below are 5 areas to consider when deciding who should be in your personal space regularly. 

This may help you decide whether a relationship is TOXIC or HARMONIZING to your soul. If they are toxic, let them go or find another way to connect that is more healthy and supportive for you.

1. Does this person HONOUR YOU? “Honour” is a strong word. To me, it means that a person respects and loves who I am and how I am in the world. They choose to be in my company and allow me to be authentic and real. They enhance my experience and give out love in healthy doses. This is a very cool feeling because being myself is easy and carefree. There is no facade.

2. Does this person allow me to experience GROWTH? Relationships will differ in support depending on how intimate they are – but all of them should allow you an opportunity to grow and change and to live to your full potential. Whether that is a lover who gets behind your every ’cause’ or a work friend who pushes you to take that promotion. Perhaps it is a friend who passes on a valuable work connection for your business or a sister who helps you move through an old emotional habit that is holding you back. This person is not afraid to see you shine and is happy and supportive in the good times – not just the bad. There are some people that seem to be only drawn to helping you in a drama or tough spot, which is wonderful on some levels, but perhaps the attraction is to the drama/pain and not you. Honouring relationships will assist you through good and bad times.

3. Is the GIVING & RECEIVING equal? Everyone knows the Yin/Yang equation. Yin is receiving energy & Yang is giving out. Relationships are not meant to be ONE way. If you are GIVING all the time with no return that will drain your heart energy and deplete you. This is toxic! If you are only receiving from your friend or partner, this is selfish and unaware. Obviously, at different times in your relationship, the giving vs receiving will shift – but they always need to come back into balance like a swinging pendulum. Check out whether you are out of balance here as neither extremes are useful to you.

4.  How “conscious” is your relationship? The word conscious means that you have a deeper & more intuitive understanding of what is going on and you seek a connection on a more personal and soul level. It is not a test as to “who is more spiritual” but rather matching your spiritual level of consciousness so you can easily feed one another. Perhaps it is a friend who cooks you the right healthy meals when you are trying to lose weight or a work boss who orders you to leave early for the day because they can see you are fatigued. Maybe your partner sees that you have had a rough day with the kids and insists you get some quiet time whilst they take care of business! Being conscious simply means that you can connect without necessarily demanding the outcome or need.

5. And lastly, my favourite! Does this partner or friend take you IN power or OUT of power? This is seriously my personal mantra. This is purely an intuitive feeling that comes up when you are in someone’s company.

You literally gauge your feelings (emotionally and intuitively) and ask your inner-self two questions.

1. Does this person make me feel GREAT and ENERGIZED?

2. Does this person DRAIN and tire me? You will know after you have spent a few hours together whether you leave smiling and joyful and inspired ready to take on the world. Or leave feeling fatigued and low-energy

Of course, there might be fluctuations but on the whole, you either feel one of two ways. For anyone that is a fence sitter – think about whether they tip you over to good or not so good.

Your call to action? Make a list and be clear about which people you want to spend more time with because they energize & love you!



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